It was your typical September Sunday when I met Austin Love for the first time. A few “hellos” and “I’ms” were exchanged but that was it. So tell me why, this typical September Sunday wasn’t typical at all?
When I walked into the large Sacrament Meeting Hall, I scanned the crowd and promptly took a seat without much interaction with anyone else, knowing as I sat and waited others would make there way to me. As they came I saw face after face, but knew this was nothing out of the ordinary. It wasn’t much longer before I was alone again, listening intently to the first speaker at the podium. I hadn’t been to church in weeks, and remember thinking it was refreshing to have such a passionate member of the congregation talking about faith before me. As I listened, my thoughts were subdued and I feasted upon the words which were being spoken. My concentration was broken however, when a still, small voice whispered, “He’s it. This is it. Date him.” The words so clearly not my own, that I responded quietly, “Excuse me? I have Taylor! I know this is called the singles branch, but really?” I sat dumbstruck, remembering how I had recently sworn off dating after unsuccessfully praying for months about whether I should or should not wait for Taylor’s return. I certainly was reluctant, and somewhat skeptical - but always knew that voice was not of me because I wasn’t looking for anyone else.
My parents have expressed their skepticism about my desire to marry Austin, when I so strongly believed I’d marry others before him. To that I respond, with everyone else, was there never a time when I didn’t doubt? Was there never a time, when I swore them off? Was there never a time when I said, I could do better? But beyond that, I treated finding a marital partner like a casual weekend of shopping, not understanding what I do now. Forming families is a faith-based work. It is something that the Lord will bless us with and help us accomplish in his time. Did my time come earlier than I would have ever expected? Yes. Does that mean I can or will push aside divine inspiration for the desires of man? No. Not because I don’t respect my parents or family, but because I know without a shadow-of-doubt that Austin Love is my eternal companion. There is no other that is my “help meat.” For God created him, and we are together now in perfect unity.
After all, it is God’s will that prevails. Why do I say that? As a faithful 18 year old, I was old enough to identify a prompting but young enough to ignore it. The more I ignored it, the more promptings I received. As I read my scriptures, verse after verse would speak of following the will of God, of trusting in him, and understanding that he knows us better than we know ourselves. As I went to institute, I received prompting after prompting to ask for a blessing. When I did, I was told that God understood I was trying to follow his will and that as time passed I’d find success and happiness in that. So hesitantly, I gave in, and asked Austin to a game of bowling. It was like we always had known each other, even though we had never even talked. I was soon reminded by Austin himself, that I had asked him if we had met before that September Sunday a few weeks before. And, without too much detail our first kiss was not a first kiss. It was like coming home. Yet, even more, I never understood, after only knowing him for a short time how I knew so fervently he was the only one I wanted next to me when I was upset, happy, angry, excited, nervous, anxious or anything else. How after 2 years of wrestling between Jarrod and Taylor, I knew neither were the right fit. How I could look back on every relationship I had had, good and bad and see every reason why I went through the things that I did, for they prepared me for Austin. Every single one.
Now being the faithful parents they are, I only hope my mom and dad understand that God is real. He lives and he guides our lives every day. He knows what choices we will make and he understands our needs and desires more than we do. I have a testimony of this because every time I see Austin face, I know God is real. I know that we were led to each other. That when people asked me, “Why Louisville?” and I didn’t have much of answer - he was the answer. That after three weeks of not talking much after our first night together, he and his friend Jack and I would go down to the river. I was feeling so bitter and I broke away and cried in prayer, “Why am I here? I don’t like it here, I don’t have any friends. I don’t have anyone who cares. So tell me, Why? Why? Why?” and when I wiped my tears away and walked back up to the bank where they sat and I was pulled in by Austin who just held me in silence for minute after minute and then released me only to watch me sob as I told him I didn’t want his jacket over and over, seeing in his eyes a love I had never seen in anyone else’s. I knew then, what I know now. He was the reason I came here. He baptized me with love into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, making me the happiest daughter of God on this earth, and will stand by me in faith for eternity.
I don’t say that in vanity, believing that love alone can bring me my own happiness or my own success. I say it because I live my life every day with someone who I can’t imagine living life without. That’s something I’ve never been able to say, ever. He loves me in all my forms. He pushes me to reach my dreams and be the successful business woman I am and will be. He knows me like the back of his hand, understanding pieces of me no one has before. When he gets frustrated with me, he is slow to speak and never jumps to conclusions. When I’m upset, he knows exactly what to say to make me feel okay again. When he tells me I’m beautiful, I actually believe it. He has one of the strongest testimonies I’ve ever known, but never judges others and is always willing to have fun. I could go on and on about him, but never feel like I have to because our love is OUR love, only we can understand it. And I know it is enough to get us through anything. I love him with every fiber of my being. I’ve never known a relationship so healthy and so divinely weaved. A relationship built upon forgiveness. One where when I’m angry, and even think of speaking unkindly to him, my love for him stops me. I will not do anything to tear him down. We have faced our own trials, big and small and have surmounted all of them. And while getting through them is one thing, loving each other more afterwards is another, and we do.
After my parents talked to me about being financially prepared and knowing what you want out of marriage before marriage, I gave it a lot of thought and believe I sold myself short. We have been preparing for marriage our whole lives, and even more so now. Marriage is about finding the right person. I want to, will wake up to and work with Austin every day for the rest of my life. I acknowledge and understand that marriage isn’t easy, but have peace in knowing that even now, God is always on our side. We will have trials, we will have days when the love we feel for each other right now is harder to feel. It takes work and commitment no matter how “compatible,” happy or in love you are. That’s a fact of life. But my parents have said, I am a smart girl. If I’m smart I hope they know it’s because they raised me well. They raised me in a way which allows me to make better decisions for myself than most others at this age. All you have to do is look at my resume. Though this isn’t a job, I know what it takes to be successful. I know how hard you have to work and how some days you just aren’t going to want to. But, at the end of it all you’re looking back not wishing for the days when you could have slept more, or done less. You’re looking at the sleepless nights, and stress and sacrifice and seeing where it got you. Relationships are not much different. You must understand that when a lightbulb breaks, you don’t buy a new house you fix the lightbulb. Find someone you can work though problems with effectively. Who you can be honest with in all things, even if they aren’t the most pleasant to hear, being open to loving correction. Someone who is able to forgive, and someone you can forgive. But most importantly, someone who you love unconditionally and still want to be with even when you’re upset with them. That’s what I have found in Austin, eternity.
Yours Truly,
Julie
Yours Truly,
Julie
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